One day Guido was going to install two air conditioning units. The very next day, Guido realized it was August and he slipped away in the night to go on vacation. Because it was August. Suck it up potential customer. Guido has needs. He will be back in September.
Luckily, we face many other problems with our apartment. Our landlord seems bemused by these "problems" we have. For instance, we did not have hot water in more than one faucet at a time and we had no control over which faucet that may be. "The kitchen has hot water!" someone would cry and we would all rush over, simultaneously trying to do dishes or wash our hair or give the dogs a bath. And then suddenly it didn't. "It's in the shower!" someone else would yell, causing a stampede. Finally, when there was no hot water to be found anywhere, Mike called LD (initials only to prevent a lawsuit, but not to be confused with LC from MTV's The Hills who now "designs" clothes for Kohls. Although they do share a very similar first name.), our landlord. As a side note, I did not mind the lack of hot water because if I wanted hot water, I would just fill a bucket and place it on a balcony and wait for it to boil. Being able to take freezing cold showers may be the only thing keeping me sane. But other people in the house felt hot water was their right as tenants paying rent.
One day, out of the blue, LD appeared with her choice of a plumber, Leonardo. I know it may seem that I am taking some creative liberties with the Leonardo and Guido names, but I assure you I am not. It is Italy and these names had to originate from somewhere. Our doorman's name is Mossimo. I kept being confused until Mike said, "Like the Target brand." See, if people would just put things in terms I can understand...So Leonardo worked on the plumbing while LD spoke with John and me. LD speaks no English and as we all know by now, I speak no Italian. So I don't really know what we were conversing about. John was busy FaceTiming with my mom and LD said, "Ah...something something something telefono." So I said, "He's talking to mi madre."(Yes, I thought Spanish might work.) And thumped my chest and mimed giving birth to myself. Luckily John's conversation was soon finished and LD spent the remainder of her visit speaking very loudly about how beautiful and cute John was and trying to hand John her phone to talk to someone as though he was at the Oscars and a fan wanted George Clooney to say "HI" to her best friend Ali who will never believe that she is talking to George Clooney!
Leonardo reappeared and they both said something something something, be back later. I have been in Italy long enough to know that This Is Not Good. Do Not Let Repairman Leave Without Finishing. "When?" I asked. They both smiled and said, "Byee-byeee!" "No, no, WHEN?" I pointed to my watch and said, "Today?" "Ten minute," Leonardo replied. I knew he spoke English. Trickster.
He did return. He said he was done. Everything looked done. And he left. My mistake. I should have checked every room and not just the room in which he was working because I later discovered that although he had fixed the hot water in one shower, he had not fixed it in the kitchen. And he had apparently removed the shower head from one shower and put it in the other, thus leaving the other shower with no shower head. All calls to LD and Leonardo have remained unanswered. Say it with me now...because it is August.
Also, Salsa Friday did not work out as well as one may have hoped. Italy is missing a key few ingredients: cilantro, black beans(they have what they call Mexican beans, but they are kidney beans. I've been making salsa for a very long time. I know the difference between black beans and kidney beans. In the words of Judge Judy: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.), and cheese that is not related to the mozzarella family.
But they do have this: